I’m pretty rational about when I have a bout of jealousy. I have to say I’m pretty good at finding what the cause is (what I’m lacking instead of being frustrated at something a partner is doing). And I’m pretty good at finding why I shouldn’t be jealous because I get other wonderful times and feelings from partners.
But damn if it isn’t hard sometimes to just make that green monster go away.
I haven’t made many new connections since becoming single. Okay, aside from friendships, I haven’t made any new partners I didn’t already know. The few dates I’ve had with new people have been fun but for various reasons haven’t panned out.
Except one. Well, technically not a new person. We were friends already, but in a very different capacity. Her relationship dynamic with her primary is complex but sounds lovely. The interest she expressed in me was exciting but at the same time, made me nervous to not step on any toes. I proceeded with caution…
Suffice to say it was THE right choice because it led to three fantastic nights.
She identifies most closely with the pet role. She is submissive but loves to please and is amazing at it. And so generous with her praise personally and thanks for what she receives. It was really quite humbling but also made me realize that I really do have some experience under my belt and sometimes, being humble only holds you back from getting what you want!
It’s a change because I’m definitely used to having to feel restrained in what I ask for and seek out. And sticking to a specific relationship style. But this time (being single), I know far more and am developed emotionally that I know I’m not looking to jump right into another monogamous or semi-monogamous pairing. I’m actually, actively looking to be in new types of connections/relationships/etc. It feels so right to just go with whatever works and feels natural in different situations depending on each specific person…
She is back with her partner now. I hear things are going well (which gave me a big smile) and I hope they only get better, simpler, and more fun. It may be awhile but I’ll be waiting patiently for what happens next…
Dan Savage has coined this to mean if you are in a relationship with an age disparity, to mean you (the elder) should leave the younger person better than you found them.
But I don’t see why this shouldn’t be applicable for all relationships! There doesn’t have to be an age disparity for a partner to be able to learn and grow from experiences with the other. And I think it takes awhile after the pain of a breakup to see this. But if the person does see it, it can many times open the door a crack for a possible friendship.
So, let’s expand the campsite rule to all relationships.