One toy per month


So I’ve put myself on a not strict one toy purchase per month diet…I realized after my last breakup that despite a toy bag with lots of things in it, I didn’t have much in the way of kink toys.

Had to fix that! Here’s the breakdown.

1. Nipple clamps, blindfold, silicone gag, pinwheel – okay, clearly not one but just a few inexpensive ones to get started…An inexpensive leather flogger too. GARBAGE. Seriously, I thought I had found a deal from all of the positive Amazon reviews but I won’t link it here because it’s so bad. Stingy but so poorly made and with small tassles…

2. Leather cuffs (oh and they’re fleece lined).

I also picked up some Kimono brand condoms since I had heard them recently raved about. Not sure but I don’t think they’re my thing…

3. A riding crop. I was in Milwaukee so I stopped in the lovely Tool Shed and picked up that little fun thing. Also ordered some female condoms as I was getting low and have found them to be quite good on occasion.

4. Suede flogger. A large, well weighted one. Nice satisfying thud feeling.

Also picked up a cock ring as I’ve been curious for awhile and Extreme Restraints had them on sale 🙂 Can’t speak to it yet…we shall see!

Taking suggestions for future months! I am very curious about a violet wand though they can be quite pricey…


That said, there is a bigger issue at hand…my new toys don’t fit in my bag! I don’t need something significantly bigger, BUT the big issue is fitting long things in, particularly the two foot long crop! I guess I want something not too big but long enough to fit that…golf bag?!

Whoa CNN…on polyamory!



I was quite surprised when I got up yesterday morning to see this article on the top-middle of CNN’s homepage! It’s a pretty positive writeup on a few Poly groups. Of course, there’s a little “balance” in the form of “monogamy experts”. But the focus is on how positive and stable polyamorous relationships can be. Really awesome.

Just don’t read the comments.


Dungeon Play Hesitance


I’m beginning to realize I have a difficulty as a member of a local dungeon.
I enjoy going there and hanging out, meeting people, watching scenes. And have even been approached by some people to do a scene but have never really done it.

Sure, I’m shy, but this isn’t at all the entire reason.
My play is pretty sexual, especially when I’m domming. Being someone who tops by controlling pleasure and release more than just dishing out pain or interesting edgeplay, it seems a little less straight forward how to broach that. Especially if we’re talking about someone I just met that night and got along with or have seen at the club a few times.

Yes, people have sex there sometimes. I’m not even saying it has to be PIV sex. But genitals will be touched and/or stimulated. I’m not sure yet how to really broach that with someone I met that recently at the club. And I always err on the side of caution out of respect to ensure the person doesn’t think I’m just looking for a piece of meat.

So yeah, this seems tricky. Any advice? Am I stressing about it too much?

Craigslist Ventures (and a thank you)


I’m not sure how you folks that get fantastic responses to your ads on Craigslist do it…

Historically, I’ve had nothing but trouble in getting anything other than spam responses. Though, to be fair, that’s mostly from posting in the nsa section. But, following my Friends with Benefits post, I decided to make a post in the m4w section on Craigslist.

Weeks passed. Nothing.

Then I got an interesting message from a trans guy. Seemed nice, but we didn’t seem to have much in common.

The second message I got was from someone who, it turned out, I had met a few times before at a munch years ago! We ended up laughing about it and catching up (SMALL WORLD!)

The third came today. I’m just touched by this and really appreciate you reaching out and taking the time to send this message, Z.

Hey there,

I’m a dude(-ish, most of the time), so obviously not what you’re looking for, but just wanted to send some major props your way for the being so open with your thoughts about sexuality and gender. I’ve never read a post in the m4w section where a guy’s mentioned that they think of sexuality/gender as a spectrum, let alone admitted that they like women that might not fit completely at the feminine extreme of the spectrum, so it made me smile to know that there are progressive guys like you out who are okay with putting those things out there. Add that to the being open to all shapes/sizes, and I’m just blown away.
I really, really hope you find someone who matches your awesomeness. Keep being awesome and do what you do!
So, I may not have mastered the art of the Craigslist ad yet but I very much appreciate the getting unique messages so far…

A Lovely Pet


I haven’t made many new connections since becoming single. Okay, aside from friendships, I haven’t made any new partners I didn’t already know. The few dates I’ve had with new people have been fun but for various reasons haven’t panned out.

Except one. Well, technically not a new person. We were friends already, but in a very different capacity. Her relationship dynamic with her primary is complex but sounds lovely. The interest she expressed in me was exciting but at the same time, made me nervous to not step on any toes. I proceeded with caution…

Suffice to say it was THE right choice because it led to three fantastic nights.

She identifies most closely with the pet role. She is submissive but loves to please and is amazing at it. And so generous with her praise personally and thanks for what she receives. It was really quite humbling but also made me realize that I really do have some experience under my belt and sometimes, being humble only holds you back from getting what you want!

It’s a change because I’m definitely used to having to feel restrained in what I ask for and seek out. And sticking to a specific relationship style. But this time (being single), I know far more and am developed emotionally that I know I’m not looking to jump right into another monogamous or semi-monogamous pairing. I’m actually, actively looking to be in new types of connections/relationships/etc. It feels so right to just go with whatever works and feels natural in different situations depending on each specific person…

She is back with her partner now. I hear things are going well (which gave me a big smile) and I hope they only get better, simpler, and more fun. It may be awhile but I’ll be waiting patiently for what happens next…

More Cliteracy


Since everyone has been posting a link the the Huffington Post article about this exhibition, educating everyone on the complex organ that is the clitoris, I think it’s only fair to link to the actual artist’s Tumblr:

Check it out for a more detailed view of some of the project than you can see on other sites covering it!

Cliteracy Exhibition

Why I Ditched Tumblr for WordPress


So Yahoo bought tumblr recently. And boy howdy did that bring some trouble with it..

After promising they wouldn’t touch all of the adult content on tumblr and people would be free to continue posting all the sexy things they wanted, the other shoe dropped. Tumblr started filtering all of the porn AND adult (mature topics but not porn) blogs out of their searches. To make it even worse, they tweaked the robots.txt (a file that tells what search engines can index) to not let any of these blogs be indexed by search engines either!

After a few weeks of outrage, Yahoo backtracked on their decision. But the damage was done. I’m not sure if I read it somewhere or heard it on the This Week in Tech (TWiT) podcast, but tumblr traffic is on a steady decline since the Yahoo purchase. People don’t trust them anymore.

Well, and let’s face it, aside from just re-sharing other people’s stuff, it’s a pretty piss poor blogging platform.

Now where’s my stats page? :3

FRIENDS with benefits


So this started as a discussion with a friend yesterday and came up with another today. We’re all very frustrated with the bastardization of the term “friends with benefits”.

To me, the term evokes a friendship where you are actually friends, you talk, you hang out, you go places, grab food and drinks, etc. And oh yeah, sometimes you have fun and fuck. But the relationship revolves around a friendship and the fucking is just an occasional icing on the cake.

HOWEVER. It has been abused by people who use it interchangably with “fuck buddies” and “booty calls”. The problem is, fuck buddies, they may get along, but their relationship purely revolves around fucking. This is fine for certain circumstances, but is NOT friends with benefits and should not be treated as such. And booty calls gets into a depth of possibly one-sided and weird emotional or abusive crap that could be a note on its own.

But please people, can we have some honesty about what we call our arrangements? If you’re just hooking up, great, have fun, but don’t call it friends with benefits.

I, on the other hand, will seek people who understand the proper meaning of FRIENDS with benefits and see that as a positive and enjoyable arrangement.

Media reports of drug-resistant gonorrhea in Hawaii overblown


So it sounds like this story making the rounds like seen here: is actually false.

The linked article is the actual case study of the incident and it wasn’t the same strain. It was a highly drug resistant strain but not the incurable and deadly HO41.

Also, a good little follow-up to calm the fears of HO41 being “worse than AIDS”.

Mainstream media hype…*shakes head*

Media reports of drug-resistant gonorrhea in Hawaii overblown

Domestic Analysis of PornMD’s Infographic (aka part 2)


Aaaand…we’re back!

So as mentioned before, we’re a MILF lovin’ country, that’s for sure! Here’s a text version of their top 10 for the USA:


2. teen – duh

3. College – also duh

4. creampie – slightly surprising to see this so high up..especially that it’s sometimes associated with swinging/cuckolding/bisexual male play

5. massage – this is really kind of out of left field, I feel like I don’t come across massage role play that often. But it’s an unfortunate thing to see for the massage therapists out there trying to destigmatize the profession from its seedy past

6. asian – while not as high up as other countries with higher asian populations, still clearly shows the fetishization of race that asians are dealing with in this country

7. pov – a development in recent years that’s certainly become more popular. The newest spin on this genre of late is strapping a GoPro video camera to your head or body part while having sex.

8. amateur – duh! There’s a huge explosion of amateur porn with how every device we have can record decent quality video these days. Perfect for sex tapes…

9. anal – oh anal. So stigmatized, yet so many Americans are doing it. I could go on a whole rant about how it needs to not be stigmatized to address many of the issues people have with it…

10. lesbian – because even homophobes still like seeing two women go at it…just not two men! The horror!

So where’s everyone looking at MILF porn? Well, everywhere. But, the highest concentrations are in the midwest and southeast. I can’t quite put my finger on why this is more so than other areas…

Oh and Asians? Similarly to Canada, the more there are, the more they’re the subject of porn searches. West coast. Nuff said.

But, did I say they were the only race being searched for? Well, that wasn’t quite correct. Because in some states, ebony is a very highly used search term (#1 in some southern states). But nonexistant in the top ten of other states…Speaking of which, in some of the southern states, one of the top ten searches is for “black”…but on their gay side of the search engine! Make of that what you will…

So that’s a wrap on some of the interesting bits…See anything else that makes total sense that I missed? Or anything totally odd with what you’d expect for a state? Drop me a line in the comments!

Domestic Analysis of PornMD’s Infographic (aka part 2)